I've been trying to write a letter to the baby today, but it's hard. I get stuck at the first paragraph, because no matter what, I start to write about some of the negative aspects of the pregnancy. And even though I'm quick to assure our future child that it's not their fault, and that it's just how things go sometimes, I really don't want them to even think it has anything to do with them.
My poor wife has gone through so much with this pregnancy, and it just doesn't seem like we can catch a break. Every time things seem to be going well, we get hit with something else that's even worse than the last thing, and totally takes the wind out of our sails that things are finally going to go smoother. I know that nature and pregnancy will do what they want, but my wife deserves a break. I've tried to be the stoic one, and the rock, but I think even I may be starting to crack. I question even writing that here, as she obviously reads this, and passes the link along to her friends and family, but I'm sure she knows I'm starting to wear down. And don't get me wrong, I don't want to disappear, or not help her out, or am changing my mind on having a child. Nothing like those things at all. But I've tried to take every day just a day at a time. It's all we can do. But it's hard to have to watch my wife go through these things, and know that there isn't anything I can do but be there for her. I know that's a lot, but for me, it's still not enough. I'd carry this baby if I could, even for just a day, to give her a break. I'm not a religious person, but I find myself asking the universe to just give her a break, and let us have another full, good week, and to stop dumping more stuff on her.
Ok, my venting is done. Thanks for listening blogger.
Hey Son - Part of this is the fact that it is your first child and anything/everything can seem overwhelming. I've been through this in spades. As you remember, I actually lost one in my first marriage which made your Mom's crazy adventure with your oldest sister more manageable for me. You have the right idea in just being there. Until the child is born there truly is nothing you can do but sympathize and try to make Darby comfortable. After the birth you can do many things to give her a break. You have to just accept that right now you are little more than a cheerleader - it is the way of the universe. ~Dad
ReplyDeleteOh man, this is heavy! There is so much to look forward to. This is the best advice that I can give. My first trimester was terrible. I felt incredibly guilty for not being able to keep anything down. I kept wondering how this poor little baby was going to get any nutrients from me. It was no longer about "me." It was about this little life that had so much growing to do. In my 2nd and 3rd trimester stress set on big time. In fact, due to my stressful state Oliver came a month early. I was a high-risk pregnancy when I went in with my contractions. I didn't realize my blood pressure was through the roof! I could have had a heart attack or stroke at any moment. I guess what I am trying to say is "it's not easy." However, it is so worth all of the obstacles and suffering. Hang in there. Darby will honestly only remember the good days. She will probably even miss having her little sidekick with her (in her belly). Embrace what you have. Only know that it could be worse. You should read the book "Two Kisses for Maddy" heartbreaking and thought-provoking.
ReplyDeleteI hope your wife will feel better soon. The first months I felt really bad to, I was sick, tired and had no energy to do anything I even had trouble eating. Now it is alot better so I really do hope it will turn around for your wife to so she really can enjoy her pregency. By the way, congratulations :D
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